My Fantasy New Years Resolutions List

There are many things I would like to do on a regular basis but have not been able to achieve that flow.  Here is what a pretty good day looks like for me:

  1. Open mail/file ½ hour
  2. Say the rosary ½ hour
  3. Walk my dog ½ hour
  4. Exercise ½ hour
  5. Read ½ hour
  6. Write 1 hour
  7. Crafts at least every other day ½ hour
  8. Journal ½ an hour
  9. Clean up every night

Go to bed by 11 pm

Keeping Things Brief

There’s a quote about a famous writer who said I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote you a long letter. Is this ever true! For a class assignment I had to write a 250 word or less reflection on three articles totaling 65 pages. It was a challenge to be succinct and realize I couldn’t say all that I wanted to say. It makes me wonder about all those occasions when I was too wordy.


One of the topics that has come up in my class is the idea of control. In America, in the 1800’s we latched on to this idea of using science to make us more efficient. I always wondered why some of the most important inventions were invented in a country that has only been around for a few hundred years. Think about it- cars, airplanes, computers, light bulbs, and that is just a few. Of course, all of this was built on knowledge that had been discovered by people from other countries from centuries ago. Still, it is very impressive. (if you would like to know more about this you should read American Genesis by Thomas P. Hughes.)

The idea of control is fascinating for me. A few years ago I participated in a retreat and was told that I was like someone in a boat worried about all the things going on in the boat (the rudder, the sails…etc) instead of just enjoying the journey. This turned out to be a great analogy because when I found myself thinking too much, I could remind myself to sit in my boat and mind my own business.

But it seems along the way I have developed different issue regarding control. I am very conscious of things that waste my time. And when something doesn’t work out I feel like it was a waste of my time. Even going back to my experience on the Wine Date I had cancelled plans with a friend (who gave me her blessing) to go out with that guy. Even though I had a cool experience going somewhere new, a small part of me still feels like I could have gone out with my friend that night and had a very nice time doing something I enjoyed.

So I am trying to remind myself that even when something doesn’t work out, there is still value in that experience. I had another such event yesterday. As I mentioned I am writing my final paper. Whenever I have a paper due I tend to get more domestic. I will work on things that need to be done around the house as a way to procrastinate.

Yesterday I purchased a bookshelf that I have been needing because my books are all over the place. As I was building this bookcase, I realized I made a mistake buying such a cheap product. I’ve built many bookshelves in my life and this one was not working out well. I am afraid it will fall apart and at anymore moment I will hear all my books crashing to the ground.

My main annoyance is that I spent an hour or two of my day off building this crappy bookshelf from Target. I considered getting one from Office Depot and I could have an outside company assemble it, but then I couldn’t get it right away and I would have had to make separate arrangements for the assembly when I was completely capable of building it myself.

Last night, as I was working on my paper on the topic control, I was able to reflect on the experience of how I put a value on many of the things I do. While this can be a good thing. It causes me to judge everything as to if “this” is worth my time or not. This type of thinking does not allow us to be open to the surprises that present themselves. They could lead to wonderful things we weren’t expecting or at the very least, lessons for the future. It seems worthwhile to try to relax on my judgment of each experience and see where life takes me.

I’m Back!

Hello Everyone!
I decided I would like to continue with this blog. Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of starting over and I have a hard time continuing things I’ve already begun. I have a a few ideas for novels but instead of editing and finishing something, anything, I like to start over. I’m hoping to get over this one day.

As I mentioned in my last post, I began the PhD program and I thought I wanted to start over with new perspective, but now I think that whatever it was I thought I wanted to do, I’m really doing more of the same, it’s just now I’m interested in new things. Which, as humans aren’t we always developing new interests anyway?

A Fresh Start

It has been a long time, there have been many changes. I bought a new car! A brand new Honda CRV. I never imagined buying a brand new car, but for all the good things I hear about Honda’s I expect to have this one for awhile. I wasn’t looking for a SUV. I started out looking at cars, but there weren’t any cars I really liked or enjoyed driving. So I made a deal with myself that if I went back to school, I could get a slightly more expensive vehicle.

So that brings us to the next big change. I am now in a PhD program studying Leadership and Education. I work at a university so I have been taking classes off and on for years since I earned my masters ten years ago. I made it halfway through an IT degree even but that never felt like me.
THIS feels like me, and I love it.

I met a another guy from at Christmastime. He was pretty good on paper: close in age to me and had a good job. And I definitely found him attractive (guys can be good looking, but you still don’t feel quite drawn into his looks, it wasn’t like that with him.) We met and he was very nice, a good person, but he had a very on the go lifestyle and I really had no desire to hitch my life up to his.

My friend joined and the second guy she went out with turned out to be a keeper (at least so far), they’ve been dating for two months. So there is hope out there for you. As for me, my membership doesn’t expire until April so there is still hope, but I don’t have any interest in spending time one it anymore.

My smoothie making is going well. I upgraded to a nutribullet which is much better for me, the magic bullet was too small to hold all the fruits I wanted to include. I have been having a smoothie for breakfast before work. And just yesterday I relieved the DessertBullet. You put frozen fruits into it and it comes out the consistency of ice cream!

I decided I am not going to continue this blog. It was suppose to be a creative place for me to express myself and I was able to do that to some extent, but now I want to focus on exploring ideas to do my dissertation for my PhD so I would like to start from scratch. I would like to thank my followers for wanting to be a part of what I have shared and boosting my confidence by finding it worthwhile. I wish you all well!

The Wine Date

I entered The Vine scanning the room for my wine tasting date. I regretted not paying more attention to his picture. I flipped through the profile pictures stored in my mind and panicked and asked the first man sitting by himself at a table by the door. This guy was typing on his laptop, probably not someone on a date.

I approached the counter and saw a man conversing the dark, haired young woman pouring a bottle of white wine. I looked around the room and everyone else seemed to be busy, so this must be David waiting for me. I hoped he didn’t see me approach Laptop Guy.

I took a moment to assess him and was pleased with his looks. I knew he was twelve years older but he possessed a young aura which was what mattered. He had brown hair and was American looking. Ethnicity doesn’t really appeal to me.

He recognized me at once. And gave me a kiss on the cheek. We had the wine girl to break the ice, and David handed me a wine glass and I gave it to her to fill. She spoke at a low volume, between that and the uncertainty you feel in a new environment it was a struggle to understand her wine jargon.

I sipped the first glass of white wine, I wanted to like it. I didn’t dislike it. It was the same for the next white wine, and the last two red wines. If I had to pick, I would pick the last one, the California wine over the French wines.

When we had spoken briefly on the phone earlier, I called to accept his invitation and he told me we would sample a few and get a bottle of wine. Having not been treated like this in a long time, I was surprised to have him choose a $30 bottle of wine. He chose this when I didn’t know which of the four we tasted to pick. None of them spoke to me, but I felt uncultured, because their silence.

David said we would find one and he placed his hand gently on the small of my back and guided me to the bottles on the built in shelves. It was a brand that I’d never heard of but Étude reminded me of playing the piano and we were off to a good start.

I told him I would trust his judgement and we made our way to the bar on the other side of the store. There was a refrigerated area with a cheese section and he asked me if I wanted cheese. I’m not frugal, but I have a hard time with someone I don’t know biting things for me. So choosing one cheese was hard, but selecting a second cheese was painful. But he wanted me too. I hadn’t heard of most of the cheeses there but I pickled a spicy and we co pro used and he picked a truffle.

The shop was divided into sections there was a long, low bookshelf dividing the shop in half the opening faced the seating area which were wine barrels with a round table top, there were five of them in the barrel garden. Near the front of the store were regular tables, one filled by a group of six seniors and the other with three single ladies.

From my seat I could see a chess game and a silver box that looked like Backgammon.

He let me select the table and we took our seats. A few minutes later the waitress came with our corked bottle of Pinot Noir and a saucer of our sliced cheese and little tiny crisp slices of bread.

Even though we were getting along well I could tell as David poured our second glasses of wine, that it was like a magic carpet helping us soar through this date better.

The wine glass felt gigantic and I compared how David held his glass expertly at the little of the stem with his thumb, index and middle finger and swirled the wine. I tried holding my glass like that, but I couldn’t get a good handle and was afraid I would spill the wine and waste it. I didn’t like to waste wine or time.

But he taught me, or tried. He grasped my had and tried to get me to do it. He took every opportunity to touch me, and be close to me throughout the night.

We talked about our experiences with Match, past jobs, a very light discussion about last relationships, and so many other things. He was one of those guys that got IT. He got so many things without my having to explain. It was so refreshing.

I was so happy to meet a normal guy and have a nice first date. Unfortunately I did not feel a spark. At first I was trying to be open to the idea of giving it a chance because he was so great, but now that a few days have passed, I don’t think I can forgo the passion.

I’m not sure what is happening on his end, he has been texting me throughout the week, however there has been a decline as the week has gone on.

Maybe he’s busy, maybe he thinks I’m not interested (we had tentative plans for Thursday if he didn’t have to work late but I have had some late nights all week and asked for a rain check. ) This weekend is also his birthday and he plans for each day so perhaps the celebrating has begun.

If I could make myself like him, I would. I really enjoyed him, but I can’t. What does it say when you assess the guy your on a date with to try to figure out which of your friends you can fix him up with?

At any rate, it is a great start, to encourage me with my dating project. It gives me motivation to keep moving forward.

Car Buying Websites

If you’re in the market for buying a car I’d like to make a few recommendations because this can be an overwhelming project. you can research new, used, and certified cars and find cars nearby. My favorite part was the customer reviews. You can find out what people think about specific models by year. And you can download the free phone app. see all the complaints for each car by year and find out what the major problems are. You can see if your car is considered a clunker or reliable.

Diaper Genie

I have recently been around various first time pregnant women who have been soaking up the wisdom of experienced mothers. The diaper genie has come up and this has been very interesting. There is one camp that thinks they are a waste of money. You can just throw the diaper in the garbage. There is another camp that loves the convenience and not having to smell stinky diapers. And there is one clever lady that came up with a great compromise. She buys the scented garbage bags. You get a whole roll for a few dollars and its much cheaper than a diaper genie! 

The Wisdom of the Tribe

I’ve been asking various friends what to do because I met a guy last week who I think is great, but I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m secretly hoping someone will say something that will make everything click and I can like him.

As I say all this I don’t really believe it can change, but I would love to be wrong about this. I met with two old school friends that I’ve known for about twelve years. These two fabulous ladies gave wonderful advice that may be helpful to someone so I’d like to share, not all if it directly applies to my situation, for some of it they were just saying what worked for them.

–Think about what you want and project that to the universe.
My friend said she made a list of what she wanted her guy to be like and thought about it regularly. She ended up meeting someone that fit those qualities.

–Participate in activities to meet people.
The ones the ones suggested in particular: join a mass bike ride, hang out at stores (grocery, target, Home Depot) in different areas where there are young guys. (Some areas were recommended.) The one that I might do is go to the bookstore and try to mingle there.

–Become a Yelp Reviewer
This one I liked too. I don’t really know all the details but apparently you can join Yelp and be someone who goes to restaurants and write reviews in groups. We decided this is good on many levels. You meet someone and have something to talk about and it can be intimated they can read, write, afford a meal, and they have a car. (We had a good laugh over this one).

I will admit I was very difficult and had rebuttals for most of the things they said. I’m very content on my own, but I feel like it wouldn’t hurt for me to be more open to meeting someone. There are certain suggestions I’m willing to accept as things I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and certain things that I’m not willing to do, not cause there is anything wrong with it, but it just doesn’t appeal to me.

The truth is if I met someone I really was attracted too I wouldn’t philosophize about whether I wanted to be with this person or not. So after I left them, I tried not to dwell on my doubts, instead I decided to separate myself from my feelings and think of this as a social experiment. And just to put out good vibes to the universe.

My friend also said not to be hard on myself. Probably the best advice of all.

If you like info about dating you have to check out this great blog:

Visiting my Father

I went to the cemetery to visit my Dad on his birthday today. He passed away twelve years ago. Although I believe my dad is heaven and I don’t have to go to the cemetery to talk to him, I believe it is respectful to make a visit every so often.

I learned this from my friend and her mom. Throughout the years I’ve been to the cemetery with them to visit my friend’s grandfather who died weeks before she was born. I have even stopped by on my own to pay my respects when I was in the area.

When I go to a cemetery I say prayers for the souls of all of the dead. When I go to visit my dad I run through some of the things that are going on in my life to sort of “tell” my dad. I also recall the day he was buried. I remember how my friend drove me there while the the rest of my family went in other cars. At that time I wasn’t comfortable combatting the weekday traffic down there. I remember how my mom’s friend’s husband pointed out that the sun came out from behind a cloud and shone as he was interred. I feel like when someone dies you get signs that they are ok, and this was one of my signs.

One of the other things I was thankful for was that my other friend I wrote about in the Loving Ourselves post survived her suicide attempt. Yesterday was her daughter’s birthday and after the cemetery I was going to their house for her birthday party. Even though I understand it is an illness and my friend can’t control how she feels, it’s difficult to accept. She almost missed this birthday! One of the things I told my dad was how thankful I was that I wasn’t also visiting my friend on this trip.

I posted a status on Facebook that I was at the cemetery visiting my dad on his birthday. That’s not really like me, but I felt like it was important. Maybe it was to remind people to visit their loved ones, maybe it was to get people to pray, maybe it was to share this part of myself. At any rate I got many caring responses from friends and family that didn’t surprise me.

I received a text on my phone from another very good friend, one that I haven’t known as long as the others I’ve mentioned in this post. She said she saw Facebook and knows what its like seeing the years pass, and the things we miss, and hoped it went well reconnecting with my dad. Her choice of words were very beautiful and summed up why it is meaningful to go to the cemetery. Although we can talk to our loved ones on our own, there’s something about taking the time for a visit and being near their body (or ashes) that does make the connection stronger.