The Wine Date

I entered The Vine scanning the room for my wine tasting date. I regretted not paying more attention to his picture. I flipped through the profile pictures stored in my mind and panicked and asked the first man sitting by himself at a table by the door. This guy was typing on his laptop, probably not someone on a date.

I approached the counter and saw a man conversing the dark, haired young woman pouring a bottle of white wine. I looked around the room and everyone else seemed to be busy, so this must be David waiting for me. I hoped he didn’t see me approach Laptop Guy.

I took a moment to assess him and was pleased with his looks. I knew he was twelve years older but he possessed a young aura which was what mattered. He had brown hair and was American looking. Ethnicity doesn’t really appeal to me.

He recognized me at once. And gave me a kiss on the cheek. We had the wine girl to break the ice, and David handed me a wine glass and I gave it to her to fill. She spoke at a low volume, between that and the uncertainty you feel in a new environment it was a struggle to understand her wine jargon.

I sipped the first glass of white wine, I wanted to like it. I didn’t dislike it. It was the same for the next white wine, and the last two red wines. If I had to pick, I would pick the last one, the California wine over the French wines.

When we had spoken briefly on the phone earlier, I called to accept his invitation and he told me we would sample a few and get a bottle of wine. Having not been treated like this in a long time, I was surprised to have him choose a $30 bottle of wine. He chose this when I didn’t know which of the four we tasted to pick. None of them spoke to me, but I felt uncultured, because their silence.

David said we would find one and he placed his hand gently on the small of my back and guided me to the bottles on the built in shelves. It was a brand that I’d never heard of but √Čtude reminded me of playing the piano and we were off to a good start.

I told him I would trust his judgement and we made our way to the bar on the other side of the store. There was a refrigerated area with a cheese section and he asked me if I wanted cheese. I’m not frugal, but I have a hard time with someone I don’t know biting things for me. So choosing one cheese was hard, but selecting a second cheese was painful. But he wanted me too. I hadn’t heard of most of the cheeses there but I pickled a spicy and we co pro used and he picked a truffle.

The shop was divided into sections there was a long, low bookshelf dividing the shop in half the opening faced the seating area which were wine barrels with a round table top, there were five of them in the barrel garden. Near the front of the store were regular tables, one filled by a group of six seniors and the other with three single ladies.

From my seat I could see a chess game and a silver box that looked like Backgammon.

He let me select the table and we took our seats. A few minutes later the waitress came with our corked bottle of Pinot Noir and a saucer of our sliced cheese and little tiny crisp slices of bread.

Even though we were getting along well I could tell as David poured our second glasses of wine, that it was like a magic carpet helping us soar through this date better.

The wine glass felt gigantic and I compared how David held his glass expertly at the little of the stem with his thumb, index and middle finger and swirled the wine. I tried holding my glass like that, but I couldn’t get a good handle and was afraid I would spill the wine and waste it. I didn’t like to waste wine or time.

But he taught me, or tried. He grasped my had and tried to get me to do it. He took every opportunity to touch me, and be close to me throughout the night.

We talked about our experiences with Match, past jobs, a very light discussion about last relationships, and so many other things. He was one of those guys that got IT. He got so many things without my having to explain. It was so refreshing.

I was so happy to meet a normal guy and have a nice first date. Unfortunately I did not feel a spark. At first I was trying to be open to the idea of giving it a chance because he was so great, but now that a few days have passed, I don’t think I can forgo the passion.

I’m not sure what is happening on his end, he has been texting me throughout the week, however there has been a decline as the week has gone on.

Maybe he’s busy, maybe he thinks I’m not interested (we had tentative plans for Thursday if he didn’t have to work late but I have had some late nights all week and asked for a rain check. ) This weekend is also his birthday and he plans for each day so perhaps the celebrating has begun.

If I could make myself like him, I would. I really enjoyed him, but I can’t. What does it say when you assess the guy your on a date with to try to figure out which of your friends you can fix him up with?

At any rate, it is a great start, to encourage me with my dating project. It gives me motivation to keep moving forward.

The Wisdom of the Tribe

I’ve been asking various friends what to do because I met a guy last week who I think is great, but I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m secretly hoping someone will say something that will make everything click and I can like him.

As I say all this I don’t really believe it can change, but I would love to be wrong about this. I met with two old school friends that I’ve known for about twelve years. These two fabulous ladies gave wonderful advice that may be helpful to someone so I’d like to share, not all if it directly applies to my situation, for some of it they were just saying what worked for them.

–Think about what you want and project that to the universe.
My friend said she made a list of what she wanted her guy to be like and thought about it regularly. She ended up meeting someone that fit those qualities.

–Participate in activities to meet people.
The ones the ones suggested in particular: join a mass bike ride, hang out at stores (grocery, target, Home Depot) in different areas where there are young guys. (Some areas were recommended.) The one that I might do is go to the bookstore and try to mingle there.

–Become a Yelp Reviewer
This one I liked too. I don’t really know all the details but apparently you can join Yelp and be someone who goes to restaurants and write reviews in groups. We decided this is good on many levels. You meet someone and have something to talk about and it can be intimated they can read, write, afford a meal, and they have a car. (We had a good laugh over this one).

I will admit I was very difficult and had rebuttals for most of the things they said. I’m very content on my own, but I feel like it wouldn’t hurt for me to be more open to meeting someone. There are certain suggestions I’m willing to accept as things I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and certain things that I’m not willing to do, not cause there is anything wrong with it, but it just doesn’t appeal to me.

The truth is if I met someone I really was attracted too I wouldn’t philosophize about whether I wanted to be with this person or not. So after I left them, I tried not to dwell on my doubts, instead I decided to separate myself from my feelings and think of this as a social experiment. And just to put out good vibes to the universe.

My friend also said not to be hard on myself. Probably the best advice of all.

If you like info about dating you have to check out this great blog: http://yourejustadumbass.wordpress.com/.

A First Date

Well Folks, I went out with a guy from Match.com. It was the guy I was suppose to call on Tuesday. He actually sent me a text that same evening asking if I wanted to meet for a wine tasting. Since this was out of the ordinary, I skipped the exercise class that I normally go to with a friend on Tuesdays.

I met him at a wine shop not too far from my house. I’ve never been to anything like this before. It’s sort of the Starbucks of wine shops. They have a huge selection of wine and a refrigerated area with other types of beverages and also a selection of cheese. The room was divided in half by a long two shelf bookshelf. On the other side of the store was a bar in the back and a seated area made up of tables made with barrels. You can buy single glasses of wine or they will serve the wine (and cheese) you purchase there.

On the bookshelf there was a chessboard and backgammon game. People can meet there to play games. The wine shop had a really great atmosphere and it is a place I would go back to hang out. I realize I gave you all these details about the wine shop and you’re probably waiting to hear about the guy, it’s just I was so taken with this place.

The guy was super. He was very friendly, great to talk with, nice looking, very intelligent, very open, and affectionate. We had a lot of things in common- a love of dogs, trucks, and being outside just to name a few. He was also quite savvy to remember things from my profile and point out when relevant things came up. After we shared a bottle of wine, we went to another restaurant not too far away and had appetizers. As the conversation continued we discovered other things we had in common. And I was even given a foot massage.

The next day I had a bit of a glow. It was so refreshing to have met a nice, normal guy- one that matched the image in my head of a how I would like a guy to be. Someone stable and fun to be with fun with.

But…yes there is a but. I didn’t feel a spark. I could tell from the goodnight kiss. But he was so great in every other way, I wanted to think I was being mature and I would rather have a great guy than a guy I was passionate about but couldn’t depend on. (I realize there is probably someone out there who can fulfill both requirements, but it gets tiring waiting for that.)

Now that I’ve had some time to let the dust settle, I can’t forgo the passion. We haven’t gone out a second time yet, though he alluded to doing something very cool next weekend, so I will still hold of making a final decision for a bit. However, in the past the chemistry has never emerged. He is a totally awesome guy and I really would like to be friends and still hangout with him. I even thought about introducing him to my friends and maybe he will hit it off with one of them. (It’s probably not good who you think of this during the date, huh?)

I’ve been keeping up with Match.com and there is another guy who I’m supposed to call. He gave me his number yesterday but its been a busy weekend, so I haven’t been able to call yet. I don’t feel as reluctant to call after having things turn out nicely with Guy #1.

My New Project

Ok folks, I joined match.com a few months ago. I’m not even sure how many months, I have been mostly deleting the daily emails of matches that I receive.

On sporadic occasions I have replied to men who contacted me and I have occasionally made the effort to wink or send and email. Guys have asked for my number and texted me. I played along for a few days but I found this incredibly boring and lost interest in them.

But I’ve decided I am going to seriously try dating. Although I’ve always been hoping to meet someone haven’t really been trying, and my lack interest has probably kept me from making any progress.

I’ve seen people with all kinds of projects on theirs blogs…making friends, finding happiness, finding adventure. I will make dating my project. It won’t be the entire focus of this blog, but maybe we will all learn something to at least be amused. And maybe I will get lucky and find someone.

I welcome your feedback to help me along the way and also to push me to continue when I want to give up.