I have recently been around various first time pregnant women who have been soaking up the wisdom of experienced mothers. The diaper genie has come up and this has been very interesting. There is one camp that thinks they are a waste of money. You can just throw the diaper in the garbage. There is another camp that loves the convenience and not having to smell stinky diapers. And there is one clever lady that came up with a great compromise. She buys the scented garbage bags. You get a whole roll for a few dollars and its much cheaper than a diaper genie!
I’ve been asking various friends what to do because I met a guy last week who I think is great, but I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m secretly hoping someone will say something that will make everything click and I can like him.
As I say all this I don’t really believe it can change, but I would love to be wrong about this. I met with two old school friends that I’ve known for about twelve years. These two fabulous ladies gave wonderful advice that may be helpful to someone so I’d like to share, not all if it directly applies to my situation, for some of it they were just saying what worked for them.
–Think about what you want and project that to the universe.
My friend said she made a list of what she wanted her guy to be like and thought about it regularly. She ended up meeting someone that fit those qualities.
–Participate in activities to meet people.
The ones the ones suggested in particular: join a mass bike ride, hang out at stores (grocery, target, Home Depot) in different areas where there are young guys. (Some areas were recommended.) The one that I might do is go to the bookstore and try to mingle there.
–Become a Yelp Reviewer
This one I liked too. I don’t really know all the details but apparently you can join Yelp and be someone who goes to restaurants and write reviews in groups. We decided this is good on many levels. You meet someone and have something to talk about and it can be intimated they can read, write, afford a meal, and they have a car. (We had a good laugh over this one).
I will admit I was very difficult and had rebuttals for most of the things they said. I’m very content on my own, but I feel like it wouldn’t hurt for me to be more open to meeting someone. There are certain suggestions I’m willing to accept as things I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and certain things that I’m not willing to do, not cause there is anything wrong with it, but it just doesn’t appeal to me.
The truth is if I met someone I really was attracted too I wouldn’t philosophize about whether I wanted to be with this person or not. So after I left them, I tried not to dwell on my doubts, instead I decided to separate myself from my feelings and think of this as a social experiment. And just to put out good vibes to the universe.
My friend also said not to be hard on myself. Probably the best advice of all.
If you like info about dating you have to check out this great blog: http://yourejustadumbass.wordpress.com/.
I went to the cemetery to visit my Dad on his birthday today. He passed away twelve years ago. Although I believe my dad is heaven and I don’t have to go to the cemetery to talk to him, I believe it is respectful to make a visit every so often.
I learned this from my friend and her mom. Throughout the years I’ve been to the cemetery with them to visit my friend’s grandfather who died weeks before she was born. I have even stopped by on my own to pay my respects when I was in the area.
When I go to a cemetery I say prayers for the souls of all of the dead. When I go to visit my dad I run through some of the things that are going on in my life to sort of “tell” my dad. I also recall the day he was buried. I remember how my friend drove me there while the the rest of my family went in other cars. At that time I wasn’t comfortable combatting the weekday traffic down there. I remember how my mom’s friend’s husband pointed out that the sun came out from behind a cloud and shone as he was interred. I feel like when someone dies you get signs that they are ok, and this was one of my signs.
One of the other things I was thankful for was that my other friend I wrote about in the Loving Ourselves post survived her suicide attempt. Yesterday was her daughter’s birthday and after the cemetery I was going to their house for her birthday party. Even though I understand it is an illness and my friend can’t control how she feels, it’s difficult to accept. She almost missed this birthday! One of the things I told my dad was how thankful I was that I wasn’t also visiting my friend on this trip.
I posted a status on Facebook that I was at the cemetery visiting my dad on his birthday. That’s not really like me, but I felt like it was important. Maybe it was to remind people to visit their loved ones, maybe it was to get people to pray, maybe it was to share this part of myself. At any rate I got many caring responses from friends and family that didn’t surprise me.
I received a text on my phone from another very good friend, one that I haven’t known as long as the others I’ve mentioned in this post. She said she saw Facebook and knows what its like seeing the years pass, and the things we miss, and hoped it went well reconnecting with my dad. Her choice of words were very beautiful and summed up why it is meaningful to go to the cemetery. Although we can talk to our loved ones on our own, there’s something about taking the time for a visit and being near their body (or ashes) that does make the connection stronger.
Well Folks, I went out with a guy from Match.com. It was the guy I was suppose to call on Tuesday. He actually sent me a text that same evening asking if I wanted to meet for a wine tasting. Since this was out of the ordinary, I skipped the exercise class that I normally go to with a friend on Tuesdays.
I met him at a wine shop not too far from my house. I’ve never been to anything like this before. It’s sort of the Starbucks of wine shops. They have a huge selection of wine and a refrigerated area with other types of beverages and also a selection of cheese. The room was divided in half by a long two shelf bookshelf. On the other side of the store was a bar in the back and a seated area made up of tables made with barrels. You can buy single glasses of wine or they will serve the wine (and cheese) you purchase there.
On the bookshelf there was a chessboard and backgammon game. People can meet there to play games. The wine shop had a really great atmosphere and it is a place I would go back to hang out. I realize I gave you all these details about the wine shop and you’re probably waiting to hear about the guy, it’s just I was so taken with this place.
The guy was super. He was very friendly, great to talk with, nice looking, very intelligent, very open, and affectionate. We had a lot of things in common- a love of dogs, trucks, and being outside just to name a few. He was also quite savvy to remember things from my profile and point out when relevant things came up. After we shared a bottle of wine, we went to another restaurant not too far away and had appetizers. As the conversation continued we discovered other things we had in common. And I was even given a foot massage.
The next day I had a bit of a glow. It was so refreshing to have met a nice, normal guy- one that matched the image in my head of a how I would like a guy to be. Someone stable and fun to be with fun with.
But…yes there is a but. I didn’t feel a spark. I could tell from the goodnight kiss. But he was so great in every other way, I wanted to think I was being mature and I would rather have a great guy than a guy I was passionate about but couldn’t depend on. (I realize there is probably someone out there who can fulfill both requirements, but it gets tiring waiting for that.)
Now that I’ve had some time to let the dust settle, I can’t forgo the passion. We haven’t gone out a second time yet, though he alluded to doing something very cool next weekend, so I will still hold of making a final decision for a bit. However, in the past the chemistry has never emerged. He is a totally awesome guy and I really would like to be friends and still hangout with him. I even thought about introducing him to my friends and maybe he will hit it off with one of them. (It’s probably not good who you think of this during the date, huh?)
I’ve been keeping up with Match.com and there is another guy who I’m supposed to call. He gave me his number yesterday but its been a busy weekend, so I haven’t been able to call yet. I don’t feel as reluctant to call after having things turn out nicely with Guy #1.
I have been given a phone number. I HATE talking on the phone. Obviously this is something I need to get over.
Ok folks, I joined match.com a few months ago. I’m not even sure how many months, I have been mostly deleting the daily emails of matches that I receive.
On sporadic occasions I have replied to men who contacted me and I have occasionally made the effort to wink or send and email. Guys have asked for my number and texted me. I played along for a few days but I found this incredibly boring and lost interest in them.
But I’ve decided I am going to seriously try dating. Although I’ve always been hoping to meet someone haven’t really been trying, and my lack interest has probably kept me from making any progress.
I’ve seen people with all kinds of projects on theirs blogs…making friends, finding happiness, finding adventure. I will make dating my project. It won’t be the entire focus of this blog, but maybe we will all learn something to at least be amused. And maybe I will get lucky and find someone.
I welcome your feedback to help me along the way and also to push me to continue when I want to give up.
Warning today’s topic is suicide.
My friend attempted suicide. It was her third attempt. The first two attempts occurred during a time where life had taken us in separate directions and we weren’t talking.
Since then, I didn’t ask her to many questions because I’ve been told I am one of the few people who can make her happy so I didn’t want to spend out precious time together talking about it unless she brought it up. But if she brought it up I would listen and be supportive.
My friend gets overwhelmed and decides she doesn’t want to be here anymore.
Suicide isn’t rational. We can all think, you just graduated, you just got a job in your field, you have three young children that need you. How can you try to take your life?
I don’t know much yet. I am trying to learn what my friend must be thinking. Perhaps months from now I will think what I understand now is idiotic, but this is what I think now.
With suicide, the person isn’t looking at the big picture. It is about a short time period in which they want something badly, in this case to end their emotional suffering, and need to relieve that need.
I wonder if this is similar to other desires that we may fall prey to such as possessions or lust. We have some object or person in mind and won’t be relieved until we posses it (we think). Or in the case of suicide, we are feeling pain and we just want to make it stop.
I don’t claim that suicide is only about a short term pain. I think the person may be carrying a heavy load of trauma that may have began in childhood or later on. But something triggers the episode, making it too much to bear when the attempt occurs.
My friend’s psychiatrist told her to prepare a box of objects so when she starts feeling overwhelmed she can go to. The box is filled with objects to invoke the senses. Objects with happy memories, scents and reminders of life’s goodness to take my friend out of her anxiety. I imagine this is helpful because it forces the mind to change directions and focus on something else.
I think sometimes we give into temptation because there is something attractive about the idea and we don’t want to stop thinking about it even when we know we should stop. Insert any thing you are trying to avoid here: dessert, the opposite sex, ending the pain.
But if we love ourselves, and think of ourselves as worth love, we will realize choosing any of these things is a short term solution to a temporary problem. It’s one chapter in the whole book of life.
Instead of ending the pain, perhaps she can add images of events to come to the box. The picture of her oldest son’s high school graduation picture in two years. Her second child’s Confirmation. Her daughter’s wedding, my own wedding.
One thing I have learned so far is when you have someone who is suicidal in your life, you can’t apply what seems like common sense. The afflicted person probably thinks these things with one part of their mind, but they are in so much pain they can’t feel that.
Please don’t judge them, listen to them and look for information online to try to understand what is happening in their mind.
I’ve noticed my friend will stop talking about how she feels when someone else inserts their thoughts about how she should feel or what she should do. I imagine it’s like you trying to explain your trip to France and someone else, who has never been to France tries to tell you what they think its like.
Listen to them, and learn to discern the signs that they are going beyond what they can handle, and get them help if they are spiraling downward.